Arachnophobia

Satans Pets

Since we moved into our cute little house about 3 months ago, we have had 7, I repeat 7 different spiders encounters in our house. At first, we thought they were coming from our attic, because we found the first few spiders around that general area. We thought we could outsmart them, and took some defensive measures. We bought a foam insulating spray and sprayed it in just about every crack and crevice of our house, and sealed off our attic entirely. TRY TO GET THROUGH THAT little demons! But they did. Oh, they did. Since then, we have had 2 show up in our bedroom, one in the window while I was taking a shower (gasp! little pervert), and one by the garbage can in the kitchen.

                The most recent encounter happened when Jesse’s brother Schuylar was over. I was trying to nonchalantly pick up our kitchen, and I spotted this little red bean on the floor by the garbage can. I went to throw it away, and all the sudden it sprouted legs started to move. WAIT, not a bean!! I screamed and did a little hi-ya! Kick in the air, and ran out of the room. Jesse, who is supposed to be my fearless spider killer, is no better than I am, and ran away the moment he saw it. Both of us huddled in the corner together and muttered to ourselves, while schuylar killed and laughed at us for being the biggest babies ever. We’re so lucky that he was there. Haha.

                I learned the true evil nature of spiders while I was in high school. I remember driving to church one Sunday, and out of thin air a spider crawled out from inside my steering wheel. It was like it was waiting there all night for me. In that moment I totally forgot that I was driving, and my entire focus was devoted to 4 pairs of small beady eyes. The spider and I seemed to just stare at each other for like ten seconds. My heart was racing like you wouldn’t believe. I could tell just by looking at it that it was evil. And it seemed to be able to tell that I was a weakling, so it decided to attack. The spider jumped in the air towards me and landed on the lower part of the steering wheel where my hands were. I let go of the steering wheel for a sec, and then had to reangle my hands, into a very awkward position so that it wouldn’t touch me. It seemed to realize that it could overpower me, and it attacked again. It again jumped into the air and landed right between my legs, which had nothing to protect them, because I was of course wearing a SKIRT. That’s when I lost it. I was screaming in utter horror, and arrived at the church parking lot looking like someone who had gone mad!!! I honestly don’t know how I even made it to church, because I don’t remember ever looking at the road when I was driving. In the chaos, I somehow managed to swipe the little demon to the ground and stomp on it. Luckily none of the people arriving at church seemed to notice the meltdown happening inside of my car, it would have been quite the show!